Excuses and updates

Posted by Chris H.

I haven't had much time lately to moonlight at the offices of what used to be Never Later, which is a problem insofar as Management doesn't really consider what I do "moonlighting." Laura left a note from Dave on my desk, which is a whole lot of bullshit. Management never takes kindly to vacation time, and I'm to be the messenger. I didn't find any receipt for Lysol though, so Dave and his East Don Holdings are going to be waiting a while on that check(cheque? How do we do things in Canada these days?). It's all sort of secondary though, as there's been a lack of material, and the people upstairs are not happy. Our roster currently reads as follows:

Chris H - Ducking responsibility, primary target of Management, ostensibly "responsible" for the wellbeing of the magazine. 0 articles.

Laura D - Always claims to be here, is never around. Is abetting the rodent infestation. May have stolen (?) Dave's Lysol. 1 article.

Dave C - "Music Expert." Takes lots of vacation time; potential freeloader. Not sure who gave him office key. Is not getting reimbursed. 0 articles.

Lucas R - Unshaven. Disappeared to United States. Still contributes to Dork Shelf, thus foolishly acknowledging he is alive. Still at large. 0 articles.

Andre BB - Left for Japan. Likely Yakuza connections. Hates colourful lights, which makes Japan a strange choice. Wiped Chris's hard drive before leaving ("destroy the evidence"). -57 articles.

Ryan H - Does not know he is on the roster. 0 articles.