Fiction from Laura

Posted by Laura D.

(Chris. Managed to convince Russians downstairs to refrain from applying their baseball bats to our heads. Instead convinced them that we are a reputable magazine sympathetic to rising authors and we have launched the careers of many notables such as Pierre LaPoutine and Yvette d'Yeux. I also told them we are a French magazine and we will have to translate their work from English to French. They cannot read French. I hope they do not learn.

(By the way we need more doughnuts. Phthirus ate the rest while I was busy attacking the toilet.)

The Princess And The Frogs
by Dmitri Khotliykova

Two little frogs went strolling one day. Their names were Pasha and Grigory and they were the very best of friends. Pasha had rescued Grigory from an eagle once, and Grigory had lost his arm to a snake for Pasha.

This day Grigory told Pasha that he was really a prince cursed by a witch to take the form of a frog. Pasha said that was very interesting, even though he didn't know what a prince was. He was just a frog.

Grigory said that if he was ever kissed by a princess, he would become a prince again. The witch said so, and though witches are evil, they never lie.

Pasha asked what a princess looked like. Grigory said it was hard to explain, and they didn't see many in the parts they wandered.

"Grigory," said Pasha, "we are going to find you a princess."

Grigory had travelled alone for a long time before he met Pasha. "Where I come from there are princesses," said Grigory, "but I was frightened to stop because the witch might have just turned me back into a frog. But maybe it's been long enough that she's forgotten." So off they went to the Grigory's lands. The journey was long and they passed many castles, but Grigory said none of them had a princess. Finally they came to rest in a beautiful garden. While they were relaxing on a lilypad, they heard voices coming from the path.

Grigory looked over. "It's a princess!" he said. And it was a princess, followed by a small entourage of guards. The princess spotted the little frogs and said, "Oh see! They look like little jewels. I have never seen such pretty colours before. Catch them so I may keep them in my chambers." Grigory tried to tell her they'd gladly go in exchange for a kiss, but all that came out was a croak. Pasha couldn't understand human speech at all and was nervous when a guard approached them with a glass jar, but Grigory assured him it was all right. They sat placidly while the guard put the glass near them and then obligingly hopped in.

The princess clapped her hands in delight. "What well-behaved little creatures!" she cried. "Bring them to my room."

The guard did so. The princess took the jar from the guard and dismissed him. "You are lovely little jewels," she said to the frogs. "Let's see how you fit among my collection." And so saying she opened her jewellery box and tipped the jar so the frogs could hop out. "Oh see!" she said. "How well you look. Let me see you as a ring!"

Pasha could not understand, but Grigory told him to be still and hopped onto her outstretched hand. "How precious you are!" the princess giggled. "Now let's see you as a brooch!" Grigory hopped onto the collar of her gown. "What a clever beast! What if I wish to wear you as a crown?" And Grigory climbed her curls to perch on top of her head. "Dear sweet frog! For this you get a kiss," said the princess, and lifted Grigory to her lips.

"Finally you will be a prince!" Pasha said. Grigory placed his one remaining hand on her lower lip and chastely bowed his head for the princess to kiss behind his ears.

Great as the surprise was for the princess to now be cradling a prince, greater was Grigory's shock to see the princess convulse and claw at her heart.

"Princess! Oh God, how, how?" Grigory cried, not understanding. He was just a prince.

The guards ran in at the sound of his voice. They saw the princess lifeless in her chair, and a hysterical one-armed man, but in the horror and confusion entirely missed the poor, bewildered poison dart frog shivering among the jewels.