Sunday, August 9, 2009

MEMO: Attn Chris You Gutless Bastard

Posted by Laura D.

I just watched a chunk of asbestos drop from the rafters and straight through the floor. I can see the Russian tenants below us making signs to ward off the Evil Eye. While holding baseball bats. I can hear them on the stairs. I can hear one of them just put his foot through a stair. I have been feeding the alpha rat ("Phthirus") my lunch for the past three hours in the hopes we will form a mystical bond and he will not eat my face. None of this is in my job description, which still has not been given to me.

On a lighter note I seem to have received our first submissions, which appeared on my desk while I was fording the washroom. They seem to be a child's drawings, in crayon, depicting multicoloured (red, black, purple) scribbles with the notations, "THIS IS WHERE MOMMY HURTS ME" and "THIS IS THE BAD PLACE I GO". Are we planning to add an artists' corner to Never Later, or should I book an exorcism? I know a guy.

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